Paddle or I’ll drown you! III

FB_IMG_1506456354625Continuing on our lake Roosevelt paddle was not always easy or fun. Miles and miles of paddling, day after day with 3 teenage girls. Yes, yes I am crazy. The girls were great though, they loved it….almost all the time. Some teenage girls were more fun than others. I may have almost killed one, “paddle or I’ll drown you!”

It was hot, so hot, and we had stopped numerous times to swim. Calysta and Destiny had spent most the day paddling the kayaks. Alexis and I were at war in my small canoe. There was very little hope in sight as we wouldn’t be picked up for a couple days. This was war and I vowed to fight to the death.

The war started somewhere after china bend….so very many miles ago.Map-of-Lake-Roosevelt-National-Recreation-Area Yet the intensity just got worse.  At some point this young girl decided she didn’t want to paddle, for days. I remember saying all that motherly good stuff…. “There is no I in team. I’m not going to carry you! Your 13 time to hold your own. Put your big girl panties on. Don’t be a wimp!”

FB_IMG_1506456339175 Despite all my good counseling, sourpuss teenage girl had me paddle her for over 20 miles in that canoe. Let’s try to keep a good attitude day after day of paddling….I mean were stuck, the cell service was spotty. Who was I if I ever gave up? I paddled ten times to her one for day’s. Then mom lost it.

“Paddle” I commanded! I was mentally exhausted of the mind game being played. I took my paddle and scooped up a big splash of water. Take that! Repeat! We’ll she paddled a little more…while spewing hatred and nastiness a little more than before. The other girls were laughing and watching us. It wasn’t like they weren’t empathetic, they had had enough of her crap to. At this point somewhere at Kettle falls bridge if I had told Caly or Desi they had to go in the canoe with Lexi…. They may have drowned me. I may have rather been drowned than go on at this point.

SMACK! Yep I hit her with my paddle. I’ve hit both my biological girls with the canoe paddle before. Of course that was more like a I mean it smack, or pay attention smack with my girls. I lost my crap after miles of the hatred, pouty manipulation, and whacked Lexi nice and hard.FB_IMG_1506456342794Great now I’m a horrible mother and person. Cps take my kids… I’m a horrible mother. Ok actually all the girls are teens and while I’m there mother, I’m more there life coach, friend, guidance counselor. I still don’t feel bad for the bruise I gave her. This is life… The world. If you can’t man-up be left to die.

Which is exactly my next mom maneuver. I shouldn’t have hit her or lashed out in anger. Hey…only human. But, mom is a boss and mind trick 101. We left her.FB_IMG_1506456347193

It was kind of a community agreement as horrid as that sounds. We had suffered many miles of teenage putrid. So much exhausted hatrid. Paddle paddle.So many miles of meaness and little mind games. We left her…. And she almost died.

It felt so liberating to put teenage girl hell in a kayak and leave her. Sometimes she would pull in front all strong. Unfortunately most times she would be so way behind. Who was I to care. Obviously not the postercard mom.

Skipping ahead way after my abusive fight with Lexi… Somewhere closer to twin riversMap-of-Lake-Roosevelt-National-Recreation-Area…still on the epic journey. We left her and the storm came in and she barely found us as the water washed up and in her alone in her kayak.FB_IMG_1506456361115

The wind and storm caught us on the wrong side of the river. We had no permit to camp on the reservation. Yet we could not cross!The storm was extremely violent, our tents blew out. I felt a good deal of hope when Alexis arrived. Maybe I won’t kill this teenage girl. Maybe I should! Paddling on!


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